seriouslyscorpio

thoughts of the moment and of my life

Tag Archives: family


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ADDRESSING THE PLANS OF PARENTHOOD….WITH FACTS AND CHARACTER


Been trying not to comment on Planned Parenthood, but I have to. At least I’ll start out and see what happens.

I have sensed for a long time the ‘agenda’ of who ever wants to stir the pot of problematic indecision.  I guess I can only discuss it from my point in living these past 70 plus years.

My most bitter disappointment is having to face the fact that religion comes in many forms and is used as a sledgehammer to address situations some people don’t care for, to enhance their agenda.  I see some of you wincing, some exclaiming  how wrong I am, and others shrugging.

There are lots of things in life aimed at making people wince, scream, and walk away.  If it happens next door, you are ready to stand and push the morality you live by.  If it happens in Egypt, Germany, England, Syria, or Iraq, we think ‘oh no, when will it ever end’….and then go on living our day. ‘Well, it’s kind of numbing after awhile’, you say…..and you are right.

When a politician becomes a part of criminal activity, we gasp, knowing that we expected more….and sure enough, got less.  And we go on….

When there is an auto accident that claims lives in another state, we think ‘what a shame’ and we go on….

When a couple become parents to a newborn who lives only a few hours because of birth defects, it does touch us…for awhile, and we go on.

WHY?……….

Me thinks it is because we really don’t have the answer and therefore can’t handle the problem thinking through our own personal moral and character beliefs and ADMITTING we don’t have the answer.

Playing God is always a good way out….think how many times a day we rate others actions and reactions. Think how we smirk at their dress or their language. Think how we roll our eyes when their opinions don’t quite match ours.  And then there is religion…..we really don’t like to get involved with that, do we. We and they…..We think, they think, we believe, they believe.. We forgive this way, they forgive that way. We think this law is okay, they think that law is okay.  We think they tread on us, and visa versa.

Now we don’t really play god with the big stuff…..mostly it is small time, cause we are educated enough in our every day living to make those decisions.  Oh, please, you know that is wrong…..we are God all the time, otherwise confession and prayer would not be so important.  We know we screw up….but there are small ones and big ones….right!

LET’S LOOK AT ME…..

I’m here to say I’ve had a pretty wonderful life, compared to most people. And yet, there have been some bad times. I’ve often said that some people could not have handled some of the things that happened to me…..and visa versa.  I know of some pretty bad things that others have incurred, and they have survived, continuing to become wonderful human beings, with souls of gold.  But let’s use me…… and I’ll go right to the core of this post…..I aborted at home at almost 6 months, and prior to that had 4 miscarriages.    A year later we adopted a wonderful little boy thru state where we lived.  We had him until he was twenty and because of his fetal alcohol syndrome, he felt his life would be better if he went out on his own and cut all communications with his family, and friend. We did not know he had this syndrome and neither did he.

AND OTHERS…….

I know of a wonderful gal who had 5 children and 5 abortions….why? Was it because of money, anger, molestation, fear, her health, the fetus’ health…..who knows.  Maybe all of them……it is not for me to judge. Her shoes weren’t mine and mine were not hers.  We all know of  girls who ‘went away’ when were in high school in the 50’s and 60’s.  Their shoes weren’t mine and mine were not theirs.  Lives so young, so full of trauma.  Decisions had to be made….and they were.

Many wonderful souls have died because of disease, time, starvation, and lifestyle.

Other pregnant women in countries whose names we cannot pronounce, or sadly even remember, lose their babies to lack of good nutrition, or good drinking water, a warm place to sleep, and most often, poor sanitary conditions when giving birth.

COMMON CAUSES…STILL PROBLEMATIC

Many families have children with diseases that should some day be eliminated.

Stem cell research shall become a ‘giver of new life’ for children of birth defects that have stalked generations.

Good nutrition, water, and being in a safe place should be put into operation at once, for everyone.

Molestation, lack of money, anger, and no family support….should be a thing of the past..

But alas, after all these years, they still remain.

TO ACT.. IS TO REACT… AND NOT  OVER-REACT….

Traumatic ‘you tube’ film shows in households all over the world.  Ugliness is always around….but how we handle it proves our character and worth.

Would I have a tough time watching an amputation…..you bet.  Would I have a tough time  watching war and the horrendous pain inflicted on men and women….couldn’t do it.  Would one wince while pulling critically injured people from auto wreckage….of course.  Would it be easy for me watch the caring of severe burns…couldn’t do it.  BUT PEOPLE DO…..BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO….to help, aid and assist the strangers they come to care for.

And so it is with research…..and religion…..They need to cross and match. The realization that human beings are helpful and helpless has to be discussed.  We cannot hide our beliefs any longer.  We need to take them out and look closely at why we believe what.

Planned Parenthood should be a place to learn and discuss openly optional birth control methods.  We can continue to scare one another into not getting pregnant. How well has that worked…..?

Most of all Planned Parenthood should be planned for and around  adoptive parents to receive babies that because of personal reasons, the mother chose to do so.  I say personal reasons, because I know there are many….and ‘walking in shoes’ is not for discussion here.

Having adopted, and watching the process with others today, it has become much more of a business than ’tissue’ donations ever were.   Who is to say who will be a good or bad parent…..and how do those rules apply to ‘anyone’ who becomes pregnant…there isn’t any is there…except and until the child is hurt or found not to be cared for, or starved, etc.    I remember seeing scrapbooks potential families had to design to show their home and back yard and family and how the room would be furnished, and all the outdoor swings, etc.  WHAAAAT!

Are you getting the picture now about what is moral to who….The laws governing parenthood are kind of not working, right. ‘Don’t tread on me’…  it is my right to get pregnant….and the laws say yes. How we work thru this ….should be a part of planned parenthood.

SO ….WHAT DO WE DO….

We change our attitude on who can be a parent and why.  We modify our reasons when it becomes a moral disaster to get pregnant within today ‘s lifestyle. We encourage good healthcare, before pregnancy, and birth control to avoid another moral disaster, finally admitting that we can’t make everyone into the same mold, that is to act, look, live, and believe like us.

We gently understand the loss of children, and further research the reasons for birth defects, in order to negate those defects.  We do not sensationalize pain, sadness, loss, and death when it comes to abortions or miscarriages….but instead encourage families of unwanted pregnancies to pass on their ‘gift’ to a family unable to have children.

We make adoption available, and don’t charge 2o% minimum of your yearly gross earnings…..We charge for prenatal care and having the baby, period.

We understand that some people do not want or need children…..and teach them that it is okay. Birth control is a gift to people who don’t want children, just as the opposite is of families who do, can’t, and want to adopt.

And maybe we take a second look at research of human tissue of all kinds, knowing that we already donate cadavers, eyes, lungs, brains, virtually everything we have to find the answer… Everything that God has made helps us understand everything that God has made, better, especially when we do it with kindness, understanding, and tenderness to others just like us.

 

 

 


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GOD VS ADOLESCENCE…..


Science, of any shape is not only entertaining but spell binding. Things that were not even on the horizon, when I was young, are now every day occurrences. I am trying to keep up but there are certain ‘old way’ ideas I still enjoy. Still, some things never change…

Adolescence never changes…..and I’ve got a lot of questions about it when I meet God…or his rep, or associate, or secretary.

I’ve watched people bump along thru their growing years into adulthood and can’t, for the life of me, understand some of the terrible things all have to go through, partake of, choose, be embarrassed by, or just walk away from. One would think after all these years there would be a ‘book’, but no, none to cover the questions we all want answered. I speak of the growing up years from 12 to 18, the age from hell, the time when everything works or nothing works, and all at the most awkward time.

Life seems pretty good up to 12….we’ve learned to walk, talk, and eat with a spoon. We can recognize colors and shapes, and know stop and go. We have learned what yes and no means, however, it will be two words we struggle with the rest of our lives. That goes hand in hand with ‘sharing’….absolutely no fun at all, regardless of ones age.

We are still under someone else’s roof…and don’t have to work for a living…food is usually there 3 times a day, there is a bed, a TV, and someone to keep us clothed.

Then comes adolescence …. one day hair appears. For guys it is crazy good…for gals, it is something to shave or pull out. Both sexes will be that way forever in this regard.

We find our baby powder smell has disappeared…..Again, it is the male side who really doesn’t realize the fragrance of his body odor. The gal, however, is immediately out shopping for wonderful soap, (bar and bath), deodorant that matches, and perfume that overpowers the first two. A little later, she will find that toning down soap and deodorant goes a long way when wearing perfume as a third layer. Still,the guy will be out and about, never realizing the women falling at his feet are doing so because of his smell. The good news is sooner or later, he will be advised by an understanding gym coach that hygiene is necessary.

Admiration of one another will happen without warning. One minute, guys are, as they have been, steering away from anyone of the opposite sex, remarking on all the negative aspects of being a girl. It is understood that being one of the guys and being WITH those guys is the most important thing one can do each day. But in a whisper of the wind, a blink of an eye, a mockingbird melody, their lives will change forever. A heart will be smitten, dedication to other males will be forgotten, and the ability to speak will revert back to that of a 4-year-old.

Girls, on the other hand, will be lucky enough not to have to suffer exactly in that way. They will have been on the lookout for a long time. Their hearts will have been broken more than once….and no one will know except them. Each will work her magic, dazzle the special one with her appearance, delight him with her charm and innocence, and weave the web that will someday become matrimony. (if all goes well)(I repeat someday…)

Truth be known, the male species huffs and puffs, but the female is the pure creation of life. Rules that began, who knows when, continue to curse adolescents…. Why….they just don’t know how or why or when to apply them.

Emotion is the part that God needs to explain….I mean, the poor adolescent is to be felt sorry for sometimes…they walk without falling, unless they are looking at someone they love. Even tho their language is pretty well-defined as are their communication skills it is the emotional rollercoaster that knocks teens for a loop. I know, cause I were one! One day life is the best, no, one hour. The next the emptiness is overwhelming. One morning the sun is shining brightly, and by second period, there are tears in the restroom. One day mom is the best and the next, she is a controlling viper. Dad is the soft touch on a Saturday morning, and by afternoon, after seeing the report card, his daughter is not only studying more, but the computer and phone use are limited. Dang, what happened to age 9? Those were the good ole’ days.

Emotions are given to adolescents at a very difficult time. They are growing, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow. One is clumsy and one is lithe. One has a beard and one has a hair. One can dance, the other will trip. One will love, the other will long for love.

One will understand, the other will have a temper tantrum. One will drink, the other will stay sober. One will do drugs, the other will walk away. One will forgive, the other will hate. One will be kind, the other will be a bully. And why…what a terrible list of things to endure… Let’s face it, a teen can’t even control what is happening physically, let alone the mental disaster that comes moment by moment with his emotions. It is kind of like the Hulk…

I know there is a plan God…and I know it is too late to change the rules of nature in the next few hundred years. Adolescents will continue to perform and reform. She will be Daddy’s girl one moment and the daughter who considers opening Pandora’s box of horrors the next. He will be the son ‘every mother wants’ who vomits inside the front door because of his first 3 beers in 5 minutes in order to get home by curfew.

And so it goes…..Maybe there is one thing we can do….as adults. We can remember…..with clarity, how we wandered thru the maze of those teenage years, feeling so all alone and desperate, just to make it to the next smile we got from a girl or guy we longed for.


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THANKSGIVING….. POLITICS AND PATRIOTS UNITED


We are in a holiday season in these states, that celebrate many victories. Thanksgiving came about only because of people being dissatisfied with their former government, their ability to make a living, and how they were denied the opportunity to practice and preach their own personal beliefs.

These ways of life were so important to families across the Atlantic..that they gambled their entire lives to pursue liberty and a democracy. Today, if we re-read the stories, we are reminded of strife of hunger, disease, and frustration.

Celebration came when change came….and change was separating government and religion, respecting others rights (as Jesus and other leaders spoke of) and, again, learning to live together.

Some days it is evident we have come a long way….the road has been rocky, ugly, and bloody, but those before us, being united for common goals, have constructed a foundation to guide us for years to come.

Democracy…..allows us the freedoms to choose how we live, under a series of
laws created in all of our best interests. Since we did not come to these shores ‘united’, we have and are still learning to live together.

Racial tension and religion seem to be the toughest to deal with. In 2 or 3 more generations, it is my opinion, racial problems will be a thing of the past. Our youth, for the most part are blending into one beautiful and content group and I am so proud of them.

Fairness, however, is sorely lacking, as seen by outbursts in Ferguson, Mo., Oakland, Ca., and other cities. It warms my heart to see neighbors beginning to help neighbors by talking, cleaning, and preparing as a unified city begins to heal.

So as we all begin tomorrow, when we hear the latest on CNN and FOX, let there be a pledge to remember others……remember those who have lost family members to violence, and chose not to take to the street. Remember those who have lost family members to drugs and chose not to blame blindly. Remember those who have lost family members to gunfire from unknown origins, and chose not to burn their stores and hurt the innocent.

These are also the suffering, who painfully live their daily lives just as lonely and distraught as the families in Ferguson, and Oakland, and Detroit.

We have laws, we have our vote, we have our neighbors, and our church. It is kind of like receiving a recipe from a friend and finding out it isn’t as good as they said…..just because you have the recipe doesn’t mean you have to use it over and over. If it’s bad, it’s bad, get a new recipe….Same with your town, your city council, your neighborhood, and yes, your kids.

It’s time…..like getting the baby to sleep all night by letting them cry themselves to sleep. You’ll feel guilty, won’t like the screaming, and the following of rules, but that too will pass, and like the baby, it will be quiet once again.


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FERGUSON, MO. AND OTHERS….. (TOWNS & PEOPLE)


Ferguson is just one of the towns in this United States that needs to feel better about itself.
Towns grow and stop and some even fail. Years change the people, the jobs, the drive, I’m sorry to say. They breathe with history but become sickly when families, factories, schools, volunteer groups, health care, and dreams wane.

However, that seems to be the least of problems for some towns….because when anger, miss-trust, and the ‘you owe me because I can’t have what others have’ belief becomes an everyday occurrence, it is a sentence of eternal strife…never growing, never going away, just stagnant.

The life of any village is its people, and their striving to achieve. They are proud, they are caring, they are determined, and they respect their history. How many towns do you drive through that are 500, 1000, 4000, 9000 people….and have been for 150 years!!! They did not come to this moment without working, believing, creating, bonding, and achieving in a united way.

Attend city council meetings all over and you will see people….working, planning, and looking forward to successfully helping each of residents. Of course you will hear different opinions of how to complete these goals….but, in the end, (most of the time) all will benefit.

Go look in the mirror……it starts with you, then you and someone else, and someone else and so on.
It starts with realizing basics….abiding by the law, respecting family and neighbors, realizing that you must do your part, that your parents, family, town, and state, no longer want carry you!

Did those people burning Ferguson care about Ferguson? Don’t think so…..How many had finished high school….and if unable, how many had gone to vocational training, or joined the service of the USA. How many had seen to it that their folks were okay that day, that there was food on the table for their kids. How many had sought jobs, any job. How many had seen to it that their birth control was taken care of, or that of their sons and daughters that chose to be ‘free’ with sex.

When looking for work, how many sought assistance in knowing how to look, how to speak, how to respect the job offered, regardless of how menial. And how many took the job, because it was a start, to a better place in life, regardless of how difficult the climb.

If you did, I and many others salute you….If you did not….begin today to better your life….In doing so you will better your family, your reputation, and your self-esteem. Will it be easy? Hell, I say Hell no! Will you enter into a new phase and be proud to look in the mirror. Hell, I say Hell YES!!

It is time….right now…Do not disrespect what others have died for…..you have this wonderful opportunity to carry on the living history of your life and your surroundings.


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FERGUSON AND ME…..IN THE 50’S AND 60’S


If I lived in Ferguson, Mo…..was any age, including over 18 and lived at home or close by, there would have not been a chance in hell I would have been allowed to participate in that brawl. I don’t care if they were 100% right, I would have been at home! My parents would have announced to anyone under their roof that they were to stay at home, stay out of the mess, ‘downtown’ and if they didn’t,mmmmm…mm…mmmmm, if ya know what I mean. Let it be known that my parents never beat me….and were never abusive. However, there were times when the fly swatter was not used for flies.

I was taught that being in a mob….defacing anything, (and that included soaping windows at Halloween), yelling at people, using bad words, and in general, embarrassing the family, was totally out of the question.

I was never told, but ‘asked’ when I would be home when I went out….I said a certain time and I was home by then. If something occurred (legally), I called….they respected me and I them. Didn’t have to, but I did.

Don’t tell me my parents didn’t have control….regardless of my age. At first it was the law, then control, and then it became respect. Respect for my family, my neighborhood, and my town. My friends and I say, of course there was a certain amount of fear….there has to be. Fear came in to play when I was little and continued til it became respect and the ‘right thing to do’. That doesn’t mean fear of pain…it means fear of being a fool, and making your family look foolish.

If I would have done the least of what those kids did….I would have been down there first apologizing, then with my broom picking up the mess, then with my money replacing all that was damaged, then with my body working there to pay anything else off, and then, under my mother’s guidance, putting an article in the paper saying how sorry I was to have hurt the people and businesses in the town I lived in.

Parents of those in Ferguson, Oakland, or anywhere else destroying becomes the way to ‘fix’ unrest….get out the broom. If you don’t want a 100% white police force, work in your city to get a majority black police force. If you think there is no work…finish school and be marketable. Showing yourself like last night will certainly not get you hired where a good reputation counts. Wear clothes that make you ‘classy’ instead of ‘assy’. No one should be without wonderful clothes….there are racks full in great thrift shops. Oh yes we do….buy stuff there for us and our kids.

Work in your church….for nothing….get out the broom again, keep the grass mowed, help those who have less, have more.

Notice I haven’t said anything about staying out…drink’in, drugs, etc. Give me a break, if you are doing what you should be, you won’t have time.

My mother-in-law said ‘Nothing good ever happens after the sun goes down’……amen


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LIV’IN IN THE HOOD….OUR CUL-DE-SAC


Most of us just bump along in this life. I’m not saying life is boring…it’s just that we get caught up in the ordinary….I’m as guilty as the next person in that regard. I am doing my best to snap out of it cause there should be no such word as ordinary in this or any other language. Maybe the best word for me is ‘comfortable’, as in happy to be where we are.

Our neighborhood is a wonderful example of ‘comfortable’. I guess it is an old neighborhood, like 25+ years. I remember the day my hubby and I found we could buy this home. It had been $30,000 more than we could afford and we would look at it longingly when we came to visit our friends one street over. One Sunday afternoon our friends called….it seemed the developer wanted to add another section and couldn’t make it happen with the bank, unless he sold the ones he had…..our neighborhood, our house, was now affordable, dropping $30,000 that sunny afternoon and we drove out to buy it.

We watched it being built, still in disbelief, and on a special week in August, we joined total strangers to create a close knit community, called our cul-de-sac.

Families with kiddies of all ages began to unpack and make a house their home. Some came from 100 miles, some just newly retired from 1000 miles, and everything in between. Ages were just as varied.

You know when neighborhoods are first created, it is all by chance. Ours was surely that way and it was magical. The blend was perfect. We all began to ‘spruce up’…..front yards were planted but not the back. No back steps, no patios, no trees, no bushes, just lots of dirt and trust me, loads of weeds. Whoever found a knowledgeable ‘micro climate’ advisor, a mulch company, and especially a concrete guy, became the ‘go to’ person of the hour. We learned quickly this area did not lend itself to the plants we brought from the cooler areas on the California coast. But what we did learn was that our beloved ‘coast’ plants brought snails…and snails and more snails. Dang….and we did it our selves. I must say, however, after 25 years, the snails have gone elsewhere….the climate just being too dry for them to enjoy themselves. (thank goodness)

So these years have flown by….little kids became high school grads, then out of college and on their own. Parents became grandparents and aunts and uncles, but still the cul-de-sac remained ‘comfortable’….Cookouts were common when second or third families moved in. July 4th brought families of families and Halloween brought hot cider for adults and pets dressed up as Godzilla…. And it continued to be ‘comfortable’.

Now, all of a sudden, it is more than 25 years later, and 1/2 of us are still original owners. The ‘newbies’ have either conformed to our ways, or we have to theirs. It is still warm to come home….to see friends/to wave goodbye as they go off on vacation, or when they come back from church. We smile as we remember teens being teens, running out of refrigerator room during the holidays, or even using another’s oven when it became crunch time.

We have had our sad times when those in our circle have moved on, and today my heart is teary as a great family has decided the same. It is and will be good for them. Change is good, even when it makes us stretch our ‘comfortable’ life. It will be a new chapter for the cul-de-sac family as well. They will take their laughter, their Christ led family, their extended family, and our love with them, and all will be well…..in their new neighborhood, where life will, once again, be ‘comfortable’. Miss’in you already…..


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MY FLAG LOOKS WEARY……


Didn’t remember to purchase a new flag for the 4th, so the one we had is on display. It joined all the others proudly flying in our cul-de-sac.

I began to think what it has meant to live in such a neighborhood….for all these years. Most of us have been neighbors since we all moved in…1986, in the same week. We came from varied walks of life and different parts of the US. We were moving from the ‘city’ (Orange County, Ca.) to the burbs…or the ‘country’ as our kids called it. Some moved to begin retirement, a new doctor to begin his practice, a newly retired Marine moved is family here from Hawaii, and on and on.

The kids ages were new to 15. Schools were bulging with new students and churches were meeting in condo meeting rooms, day care centers, and offices. The town had one stop-light and the nearest Home Depot and Mall was 30 miles away.

But there was promise…..new beginnings. It was exciting and scary at the same time….New homes, new town, new work, new bills, and yet we all were gloriously happy to be here (except for the teens who longed for South Coast Plaza).

Now we are ready to celebrate another July 4, 2014….in this cul-de-sac. A few have moved, many have grown and married, and the youngest is now in college. We have survived…the move, the job change, the lay-offs, and a couple of recessions. Our little area is a lot like the world…..New people, backgrounds, varying beliefs, shapes, sizes and ages….and we became united. None of these differences or backgrounds mattered…. we became a family because of it. We had our differences, with our priorities, and in our politics, but it didn’t matter, we were united.

This morning, when I looked at our flag. it looked a little weary… I know it is because it has not been retired from service, and that is my fault. However, as I felt the guilt of its appearance, I wondered if the whole country is not just a little weary as it begins to celebrate this most important of holidays. The wind of anger and war has made my flag a little frayed. Her citizens are working so hard to end distress within the her boundary and do so in the best possible way, by referring to her laws. Yes, we are sometimes very fatigued as we test drive the roads of freedom. Some of our citizens are irked at the happenings in Congress, while some think the roads to a better society are better for all. And yes, from time to time, our flag looks tired.

But not to fear, for even one second, because it has been weary, even shredded and burned before…..it will survive. Our flag flies at this moment to represent freedom, democracy, good laws to provide for all, and the opportunity to believe without fear. It stands as an open door to all who come in fairly, with an understanding that we are the UNITED States of America, and not about to change.

I’ll bet that some of you are weary….as is my flag….but no worry. We are, as my cul-de-sac is, united, united to care for one another, to stand for what is right, to live as good neighbors, and devoted to protect our country. Happy 4th