Most of the time my blogs have some kind of subject…Not today. Our local weekly paper has a ‘funnies page’…For those of you not old enough….the cartoons in the newspapers used to be called ‘the funnies’. Hence, we always read the ‘funny papers’ in the Sunday edition when they were the largest.
Here are a list of one-liners that show American humor….hope you enjoy.
1. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila…..floor.
2. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
3. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
4. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
5. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish is wages?
6. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
7. Where do forest rangers go to ‘get away from it all’?
8. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
9. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
10. Why do shops have signs ‘guide dogs only’. the dogs can’t read and their owners are blind!
Science, of any shape is not only entertaining but spell binding. Things that were not even on the horizon, when I was young, are now every day occurrences. I am trying to keep up but there are certain ‘old way’ ideas I still enjoy. Still, some things never change…
Adolescence never changes…..and I’ve got a lot of questions about it when I meet God…or his rep, or associate, or secretary.
I’ve watched people bump along thru their growing years into adulthood and can’t, for the life of me, understand some of the terrible things all have to go through, partake of, choose, be embarrassed by, or just walk away from. One would think after all these years there would be a ‘book’, but no, none to cover the questions we all want answered. I speak of the growing up years from 12 to 18, the age from hell, the time when everything works or nothing works, and all at the most awkward time.
Life seems pretty good up to 12….we’ve learned to walk, talk, and eat with a spoon. We can recognize colors and shapes, and know stop and go. We have learned what yes and no means, however, it will be two words we struggle with the rest of our lives. That goes hand in hand with ‘sharing’….absolutely no fun at all, regardless of ones age.
We are still under someone else’s roof…and don’t have to work for a living…food is usually there 3 times a day, there is a bed, a TV, and someone to keep us clothed.
Then comes adolescence …. one day hair appears. For guys it is crazy good…for gals, it is something to shave or pull out. Both sexes will be that way forever in this regard.
We find our baby powder smell has disappeared…..Again, it is the male side who really doesn’t realize the fragrance of his body odor. The gal, however, is immediately out shopping for wonderful soap, (bar and bath), deodorant that matches, and perfume that overpowers the first two. A little later, she will find that toning down soap and deodorant goes a long way when wearing perfume as a third layer. Still,the guy will be out and about, never realizing the women falling at his feet are doing so because of his smell. The good news is sooner or later, he will be advised by an understanding gym coach that hygiene is necessary.
Admiration of one another will happen without warning. One minute, guys are, as they have been, steering away from anyone of the opposite sex, remarking on all the negative aspects of being a girl. It is understood that being one of the guys and being WITH those guys is the most important thing one can do each day. But in a whisper of the wind, a blink of an eye, a mockingbird melody, their lives will change forever. A heart will be smitten, dedication to other males will be forgotten, and the ability to speak will revert back to that of a 4-year-old.
Girls, on the other hand, will be lucky enough not to have to suffer exactly in that way. They will have been on the lookout for a long time. Their hearts will have been broken more than once….and no one will know except them. Each will work her magic, dazzle the special one with her appearance, delight him with her charm and innocence, and weave the web that will someday become matrimony. (if all goes well)(I repeat someday…)
Truth be known, the male species huffs and puffs, but the female is the pure creation of life. Rules that began, who knows when, continue to curse adolescents…. Why….they just don’t know how or why or when to apply them.
Emotion is the part that God needs to explain….I mean, the poor adolescent is to be felt sorry for sometimes…they walk without falling, unless they are looking at someone they love. Even tho their language is pretty well-defined as are their communication skills it is the emotional rollercoaster that knocks teens for a loop. I know, cause I were one! One day life is the best, no, one hour. The next the emptiness is overwhelming. One morning the sun is shining brightly, and by second period, there are tears in the restroom. One day mom is the best and the next, she is a controlling viper. Dad is the soft touch on a Saturday morning, and by afternoon, after seeing the report card, his daughter is not only studying more, but the computer and phone use are limited. Dang, what happened to age 9? Those were the good ole’ days.
Emotions are given to adolescents at a very difficult time. They are growing, sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow. One is clumsy and one is lithe. One has a beard and one has a hair. One can dance, the other will trip. One will love, the other will long for love.
One will understand, the other will have a temper tantrum. One will drink, the other will stay sober. One will do drugs, the other will walk away. One will forgive, the other will hate. One will be kind, the other will be a bully. And why…what a terrible list of things to endure… Let’s face it, a teen can’t even control what is happening physically, let alone the mental disaster that comes moment by moment with his emotions. It is kind of like the Hulk…
I know there is a plan God…and I know it is too late to change the rules of nature in the next few hundred years. Adolescents will continue to perform and reform. She will be Daddy’s girl one moment and the daughter who considers opening Pandora’s box of horrors the next. He will be the son ‘every mother wants’ who vomits inside the front door because of his first 3 beers in 5 minutes in order to get home by curfew.
And so it goes…..Maybe there is one thing we can do….as adults. We can remember…..with clarity, how we wandered thru the maze of those teenage years, feeling so all alone and desperate, just to make it to the next smile we got from a girl or guy we longed for.
Uh Oh! Just when we thought the last paragraph was being written, Paul hits us with Chapter 5 and 6. He is not happy….Looks like the word of the day is ‘scandal’.
He is raising the tone of his voice to remind the newest parishioners of how they are acting, violating laws, and worst of all, not even caring. He demands to know why no one is handling the disgraceful goings-on within his church. It’s an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ position the church leaders seem to be taking and Paul says no way….deal with it.
Let’s set aside 57AD and look at the situation today….Suppose you know a trusted family member, friend, or fellow parishioner is ‘walking on the wild side’ a little too much. Mmmmmmmm, you don’t want this to continue, you know they have more brains than they seem to show, and yet, what do you say? Remember how we talked about the scary side of addressing problems as serious as this? Well, imagine it is your board member, your associate pastor, your treasurer, or your best friend you sit by each service. Oh my….addressing these kinds of problems can be a life changing action for all involved. Still, it’s got to be done.
Mmmmmm again, guess being a follower of Christ isn’t really a piece of cake after all, is it? One cannot negotiate their way out of messing up. By the same token, one doesn’t need to be banished because they did mess up. It has to be somewhere in between. My opinion is that sometimes a ‘time out’ is in order, for all those involved. It’s kind of like counting to 10, only longer.
Taking the proper approach can be a bit touchy….that’s why I, personally, have to go for the time out, if I’m to be the ‘parent’. Maybe there are others who feel the same way about the ongoing problems, so discussing in a group….(the proper way) can be good. Remember, if you/your church have let this go on for a while, you should probably feel a little guilt yourself!
So Paul goes on to remind us that he is with those who have to begin the ‘redo’. God should be right in there, in the middle of the discussions, helping both sides to understand the necessity of acceptable behavior.
Please note: I’m sure this doesn’t apply to many, but maybe, just maybe, a few of us have been on the wrong side of this conversation certain times in our lives….just say’in…
In Chapter 6, Paul reminds us that while we might have to be a judge, we will also be judged, and it is good to be talked to by those who seek the Christian framework in their lives.
So we’ll leave this story for today with the following thoughts….we are all human…we have that wonderful spark of God within, we become more educated with more study, but we are still human….and for that reason, we will always, I said, always enjoy human things. That’s how we are designed… Our ‘free will’ is part of the package, however Christ’s teachings are the pre-arranged part of the same package, if we would only open our hearts and eyes. God owns all of you..and you..and you…and you. What a deal!
As you remember, Paul is trying to get the attention of the newest members of the church in Corinth….He’s reminded them that God’s word is not the new trend on the block, but an old message that arrived long before the parishioners were on the scene. Even today, we hear newcomers preach as though they new the final hour….they didn’t in 57 AD and they don’t now. Paul goes on to say only God knows what is ahead, what the big plans are….He does say that God has offered us salvation and true happiness here thru his son, Jesus.
And then…..he reiterates…..that they are new to Christianity and in truth, infants when it comes to this spirit. The temptation to become absorbed in one’s self caused problems then, as it does now…Guess ‘holier than thou’ has been around for a long time, hasn’t it…..
The Corinth congregations needed to review their relationships with one another, and to agree to work and live in peace and harmony. Accomplishments needed to become a united effort in the new churches, instead of working against each other…and Paul was trying to get that point across. There is always that time of reckoning, Paul said, and the people needed remember God has already given them and us everything we needed, as a gift.
Chapter 4 doesn’t let up….He sure didn’t like the attitude of some of his own converts…and said some were self-important, haughty, and even boastful. He told them that self-restraint was something they should consider….and that it was, for sure, destined to be God’s way, and not theirs.
Being a Christin in those days was not a win-win situation. There were plenty of other beliefs that people liked better, and Paul and his buddies were definitely ‘thrown under the bus’ on a number of occasions. They didn’t let that stop them tho…they kept up the pace and always seemed to have room for blessing those who had just berated them.
Then….Paul must have sit back a little, re-read what he just penned and said the following….I’m writing to you as a father..I really care about you. I know there is a line of people ready to tell you what you’ve done wrong every day, but I don’t want to be a father who just scolds. I want to help you understand, to explain once again what is expected, so you can get those ducks in a row. Jesus helped me, and now I’m helping you. Get off the soap box, re-unite your church, think of those less fortunate,and guide those in your parish who are not following our teachings. If they are engaging in unacceptable ways, be God’s guide, his representative, and a father to those who,deep down inside, yearn to confess and go forward.
Yesterday we (I mean I) discussed the downturn in the new church in Corinth…One can just visualize Paul, realizing the seriousness of the situation, sitting down to write a response few pastors would want to write.
These problems were not new in the daily life of Corinthians, however, in the Christian church, just a babe, it was just awful. Even today, as we look at some of our own local churches/parishes. we find the same problems. It isn’t out-and-out fighting, it is done in a quieter form……that being ‘sitting in judgement’ fighting.
So Paul begins…..’You are all picking sides’, he writes….all jockeying for a position that really doesn’t exist. Splitting into factions doesn’t help anyone, in 57AD or now….It is not for us to judge and philosophy…..Jesus wasn’t a ‘show off’.
In the Message Bible….I love what it says….”Isn’t it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women(my goodness “women”) that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these “nobodies” to expose the hollow pretensions of the “some bodies”? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That’s why we have a saying, “If you’re going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God.” (very cool)
Boy, oh boy, Paul is making it clear…..he was right then and he is right today….Do you see similar signs in your church? Do you see and hear those who tout a philosophy that always seems to make the other guy/congregation look inferior? Sorry to say I do…
The problem we all have in facing this tension in the church, is that we don’t want to come off as one of those ‘know-it-alls’ Paul mentions. We are not the judge and jury…..we leave that to God, however, there are ‘living laws’ that we must learn to abide by if we are to continue the Christian path.
Maybe as we continue to read this wonderful example of daily life in the early church, we can also contemplate how we solve the same kind of problems now occurring in some of our congregations today.
Do we go to the pastor, do we plead in front of the church board, do we have a pastor/parish committee, do we come together in Christian discussions, hoping not to hurt, but to help? Do we stay…..or do we go? It’s tough….very tough…If it wasn’t, congregations would be addressing and solving, instead of moving on, in hopes of finding a quiet, stable, loving atmosphere, at a new address down the street.
Paul is doing pretty well so far….actually his letters proved to be real winners…..cause we are still here, this evening, discussing the early church.
Well…..in case you’ve jumped ahead and actually turned to lst Corinthians, (even if you have’nt) there is a lot go’in on. Yesterday we got a taste of what Corinth was like…..in 57 AD.Today it matches any large city, almost anywhere in the world. Truth be known, many small towns have come to share the same kind of reputation, as Corinth,too. This is stated to kind of set everyone straight, in case they thought their burg was the perfect.
But, I digress…..
One would like to think that as soon as they were “Christianized”, all was well, that they become impeccable human beings. I wish…we wish, but it just ain’t so……
Now here is Paul, miles away, getting Fedex deliveries everyday from his church friends, giving him the worst news possible. His flock, his group, his parishioners, had truly begun to ‘backslide’ my friends, ‘backslide’, and what do you think Paul was thinking? To say the least, he was not a happy pastor.
So begins the saga of 1st Corinthians…..and those brothers and sisters in 57AD… are just like you and I….They were brought together to learn about God, to accept Christ, and not only be schooled in Christianity, but to ‘live’ in Christianity.
Seemed like everything was going well when he moved on….this new church seemed to be stable, attendees seemed well versed, and even better, they were committed. There was, however, a crack in the armor. Budgets were off, pledges were not coming in, and there was talk of going back to some idol worship.
The ‘in-fighting’ was an embarrassment…There were lots of new churches and instead of continuing to work together, they started being a little on the selfish side…..Salvation and holiness moved to go on the backburner, as the illuminating speeches of Paul, heard just months ago, languished in file drawers of church offices all over town.
What will Paul do….how will he bring his new followrs back into the fold…what methods will he use….will he be critical, indignant,or keep his cool and be a gentleman…..or all of the above?
South Florida should have an Acorn Festival….there are more acorns in my yard than the 6 squirrels living here can handle. They aren’t even hiding them…not even from one another for fun. They let them lie, they let them pile up. I think they need to stay in the higher branches of the oak trees or they will be pummeled. This year there are more acorns than even the old timers can remember. They bang on the tin roofs, they bang on the metal tops of the cars, they hit the as he works on his morning hit of cat nip, and they cover each and every inch of this yard.
There seems to be no reason for this gift from mother nature….and no end to gift giving! Maybe she forgot and waved her magic wand one too many times over our town, maybe too many squirrels called to say there were no acorns last year! All I know is that there is a possible oak forest coming here and I’m not prepared.
We raked a portion of the yard and filled our trash buckets for
‘green’ to overflowing….Remember now that acorns are not ‘leaf light’ and are not easy to rake, or to get out of the slits between the patio boards.
The acorns just lay there…..and sprout, oh yes, they are sprouting! Remember all my wonderful happy garden stores about saving seeds and cleaning the earth…..I ain’t sav’in these seeds and I’m aching all over from ‘cleaning the earth’ today.
South Florida also offers up another surprise with its oak trees….they don’t lose their leaves until Jan/Feb and they take forever to drop…..and, on top of that, there are little fuzzy flowers that come after that……to make more acorns, of course!
I know you are feeling sorry for me, as 12″ of snow fall in Minneapolis, or Spokane. I can see the tears from those of you in Buffalo. But please, have a heart and understand that these little devils are now laying in places I cannot reach…..and their sprouts are sprouting as we speak…..Ever read Jack and the Beanstalk…..?
Dick Morris said on Fox,Romney should remind everyone Obama is planning on taxing the internet….that is over and above any state sales tax! Dang ….will it be starting in 2014 like all the other surprises!
Sometimes, one is just sitting here, wondering what to write about..Not the UN today, cause FOX has taken care of that, okay and MSNBC too! And then, in a flash of being slightly irritated, my fingers start awork’in…..
It is the ‘what happens when you are ‘on hold” moments, I am now speaking to. First the answer, then the “oh, I’m so glad you called” voice, then the english part, then the ‘pressing for instruction’. I know the company would much rather me handle this on-line, but sometimes, one just can’t…..or, in my case, won’t.
I needed to change my username and password and there was no way to do it cause I couldn’t remember the username I put in…(see the circle here) I went to the ‘zero’ option because changing username didn’t quite fit in…make order…accounting….do you your person’s extension….etc. No option for ‘forgot name, dummy’
Surprise, I was the next in line…not 12 minutes like the last company, or ‘just leave your phone number’ from the company before that, but NEXT IN LINE!! Wow! Well the customer they were helping must have been as dumb as I, cause next in line was not 30 seconds or 1 minute or even 2….For this I do not fault the company…everyone should get equal time. HOWEVER, the music was enough to make me close the account right then and there. No I’m not talking type, as in rap, hip-hop, 70’s or elevator, I’m talking the sound, the tone, the inability to even figure out what era it came from. It was exhausting to even sit quietly and listen…it leaned on my nerves, like a mariachi band and Mancini being played at the same time. It was terrible..
But, never to ever waste a moment, I studied the situation, and have come to this conclusion….the ‘music on the phone’ company who must sell, install, and maintain this wonderous idea…use only one 8 track tape for all customers. I don’t mean one tape that sounds the same….I mean ONE TAPE! It is old, it is scratchy, it has bumps and grinds and slurs. It has quiet moments and screechy moments….and it just rolls over and over whenever the tape ends.
I now summarize….no one cares except me! I hear the same on my bank phone, on my ob/gyn phone, and on phones of people I buy stuff from….across the board, same song, same scratchy sound, same tape. But here’s the kicker….they don’t care!!!….mainly cause they don’t have to listen to it!!! I think it is really meant for me to become irritated, I will learn my lesson, set up the right ‘user info’ in the first place and only do business with them online. See I figured this out while I was writing…..it’s a conspiracy…..but it works! Just like it’s supposed to…Do you see the ‘stupid’ cap on my head?
Florida is having to come to terms with the FCAT scores …..kids can’t/won’t write…..Up until this year, spelling and punctuation was not considered in the test scores…..as in, one didn’t have know how to spell or punctuate.I’ll write more later…..when I get my pin
seriouslyscorpio 