seriouslyscorpio

thoughts of the moment and of my life

Tag Archives: money/finances


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CRUIS’IN WITH THE OLDIES


We’re home…..it was fun…..will do it agin……not tomorrow.   All those statements are true, even tho it sounds as tho it was not a ’10’.  Cruising is  be so ‘so ordinary’, ‘so fabulous’, and yet ‘so shocking’…..More about shocking later.

The ship is very nice….100′ shorter than the last ship we were on, but half as many people.  They had to drag me to my first crise.  I mean, it really sounded boring.  Same stuff to do on the cruise as I do at home, so why pay to fly and cruise….Well, I was wrong, in a way.   Cruising is truly a way to get away…I am forced to do what I want to do sometimes, a good example being..reading.  I love to read, but I put chores first, so when I get into bed to read, I last about  4 pages.  I tell myself to read in the AM, but then chores get in the way again. I read 5 books in 2 weeks…..Good for me!

Cruising and eating have to go hand in hand.  I can read and eat, I can watch TV and eat. I can sit by the pool and eat. I can drink and eat. I can do almost anything, except exercise, and eat.  Same with drinks, any kind,  any time, any where, doing almost anything.  Now that is not something I crave, nor need to do, but it was nice to be served a Tequila Sunrise  by the pool.

Yes there were art auctions, nights of bingo, magicians, comedians, dancing, games, the spa, restaurants, bars, a library, pools, quiet spots, and a casino, but most of all…..THERE WERE OLD PEOPLE!!!!!!!        I LOVE OLD PEOPLE!!

Probably 96% of those aboard were over 60.  Folks came from US, UK, Spain, India, Argentina, and Jersey…….It was a delight.

We sang Queen together, we talked about our home towns, our countries, our politics (local and foreign), our clothes, our retirement and former occupations, our families,and our lives as  we know them.  It was great…it was powerful, it was a learning experience and a confirming experience.

We were with a group…’that made it’, thru 30 to 60 years of marriage, family expectations and family sadness, illnesses,  and loss of parents. We talked of 50 and 60 year high school reunions, and the warmth of long friendships.  We talked of war and we talked of peace. 

“How lucky we are”…..they repeated, “to be sitting here today”.  We “oldies” are confident and hopeful group, but not proud in a ‘haughty’ since. We have seen the past, lived the past, done our best and look forward to tomorrow.  We are strong, opinionated, political, moral and ethical, and our values do not waiver. 

We have seen leaders come and go, we’ve seen strife, and victory….and we’ve been a part of it.  Our beliefs are strong, our faith remains, and we are not a selfish group.  You see our pictures……when ‘been there, done that’ is looked up.

So cruis’in is really pretty good……isn’t it……(took the chevy to the levy but the levy was dry……and good ole boys were drinkin whiskey and rye, sayin……(cm’on you know the words))

later

 

 


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ABUSE UPDATE……OCTOBER 27TH


Just spent the last week with my sister…..she and I go on a ‘road trip’ whenever we can both get away.  We had been putting it off because of her divorce trial that never seems to go away, however, because it never seems to go away, we did.

The day before she left, a letter came from her attorney. Keeping in mind the judge signed off on her divorce in April, her ex, Tom and his attorney decided they would keep working and working for more money to be paid instead of having to pay, as the accounts had not been completely separated.  With this particular judge, it seems that the first one to make a stink wins……which, as one learns to understand about the judge, the stink does not have to be truthful.

The letter stated the judge had ordered my sister to pay another $12,000, and also stated that if she (my sister) wanted to, she could appeal.  Now as one knows $350.00 an hour does not go very far.  My sister works 60 hours a week as an ER Nurse and is 63. Her ex is a pharmacist, owned a drug store, made over a million dollars, day-traded it away (their retirement), and when she filed for divorce, gave up his license to be a pharmacist and said he didn’t want to work anymore.  Incidently, pharmacists make on a bad day $250,000 a year.  As you can see, he wanted my sister to pay for every part of the divorce proceedings and decided this was a good way to start.

Now one who knows this story will know I’m jumping around with the facts of the last 25+ years, however, this is just a glimpse of what an abusive man can do to his wife and grown 27 year old daughter.  This is done not because he is in need, but because he has lost control, and his only desire is to continue to cause havoc in 2 women’s lives.

You ask……if he was abusive, why didn’t that count???  I explain…..because he never broke anything….no one ever saw the bruises….no one ever saw the two being thrown out of their home weekly during his fits of rage. No one saw the knife to the throat…….WHY   WHY…..because she is the victim of abuse.

Here is how she thought it out……and it isn’t dumb…..it is doing her very best to solve the abuse problem, keeping her marriage intact, keeping him as a practicing pharmacist, replenishing their monetary losses, and helping him get well.  How do you do that…..very easy…..you don’t call the police and have him arrested or have him made a ‘legal’.  You don’t file a restraining order or let his pharmacy license lapse.  You pray each evening that  you can make it thru to the next day, and that the man you married will finally see the light and become a good husband and father again.  

You wait and you wait and you wait.  Your friends know, your family knows, and you know, but you can’t afford to give up everything for one phone call to the police.  There is  too much on the line ….. income, retirement, home, daughter, bills, 401-k, love, 30 years, reputation, small town, and so much more.

So back to the letter…….a contining account of abuse, still done legally, still no recourse except for maybe working longer than 60 hours a week to pay an   attorney, no peace, no guarantee that it is finally over after 30+ years.

And so for a day or so, our road trip was made up of sad times….of being caught once again in the illegalities of the legal system, of being fined for nothing more than being able-bodied and working 60 hours a week, of having more money that can be legally taken, dollar after dollar, of not having the power of being right on your side. 

We did have a good time, we nurtured one another, loved one another, saw the Grand Canyon, and the beauty of  the aspen in Flagstaff, Az.  She saw Palm Springs for the first time and got her hair frosted on my birthday.

She is home safe now…..with one more day of  vacation.  I’m catching up on emails and laundry…..Many memories, many strengths, but at least we were together……he kept her away from me.. for over 20 years.   More on that later.

So if you are seeing yourself……think it over very carefully….make your plans, and run, don’t walk to the nearest shelter for you and your children.Waiting can be so costly…..even if the reasons behind it are so carefully thought out, and as the vows, so hollow.


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ABUSED…….HERE AND THERE


Remember we’ve talked about abuse in a few blogs prior to today? Well, we did.

Anyhow, I see that in Kansas they don’t have enough time to take on the physical abuse of women for awhile….seems they just don’t have the money, or whatever.

My sister was physically and mentally abused for 20+ years……I have written about it but never published because they are ending up a nasty divorce and I do not want to provoke anything.  HOwever, in the next few weeks (into November) I will rethink, check on the status of the ‘leftovers’ in the divorce and I will write it for you to read and digest.

Be informed that my sister is no slouch…..she’s is not one of those poor, put down, and mentally impoverished women you think of as being ‘an abused wife’.

I say she ‘IS’ not but she was….and in such a subtle way. To meet her in public, to visit with her during dinner, to see her in action in a busy ER in a large city, saving, saving, saving…..you would never, I say, NEVER know. But when the day ended, and her work complete, she would go home broken, tearful, and terribly afraid of what was ahead for the evening.

There are nights when she and my niece would find themselves out on the street, having to, yet again, find a hotel.  There were nights when, after working 12 hours, she would be up til 4AM being screamed and yelled at…..a tactic often used by abusive men to help ‘their women’ understand that if they would just ‘do this’ or ‘do that’, the men would not lose their tempers.

There were nights when physical threats turned into the real thing….. and my grown niece was there to watch.

So when states seem to have problems covering phone calls from abused women, I take a stand, both in anger, and in the hope they acknowledge their ignorance of the terrors of  life.

As one can see by the terrible crime in Seal Beach, Ca. even a restraining order does nothing to keep a women safe.  Shame on those who seem to overlook lives coming so close to death.  Just one phone call may keep them alive…..or if the abuser knows, can kill them.

WAKE-UP!  There may be only minutes left for woman who desperately needs the siren to come down her street. She is counting on  her one chance….her phone call that may open the door to a more peaceful existance……The 911 call…the call to a friend or neighbor can be occurring at this moment.

PLEASE DON’T FORGET HER…….                                            later, with love


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ever been abused #1


this will be an ongoing discussion of abuse…..all different kinds. It is hidden behind many doors, and pierces families all over the world.  It may come from a family member, a work associate, a total stranger, a neighbor, a boss, from the ones you love the most, and from the ones you hate the most.

It is an experience that may or may not last a lifetime, even tho you experienced it for just a few seconds.  It can drag you down, or  re-birth you into a new life of freedom.  All of these statements are of different strengths…..because all of us have different strengths.  And, even more, our strengths and weaknesses, become dominant and then wane, according to our age, our circumstances, our dreams, our failures, our money, our kids, our loves, and our friends.

Abuse doesn’t necessarily have to be being hit, or yelled at.  If you are just emerging in life, regardless of years, being chosen last to play a game, or be on a committee,  can hurt.  It may last for day, or for years and may be hidden in your memories until someone relive their time of feeling like they ‘were not good enough’.    

What a shame we are so ‘open’ to these kinds of situations…..what a bigger shame we are not ‘open’ to being a ‘part’ of making this all happen. I know it is a two-way street, and I will try to talk about both sides when I write. In essence, we need to understand that not all of us are the same in the way we handle good news and bad news, of being chosen last.  Some will rise to the occasion….knowing they will ‘make the difference’ in the game, and because of  being on the team, it will be ‘better’, ‘stronger’, and therefore more  formidable.  No one denies that could be the case.  Some will  hold the ‘chip’ of being chosen last and carry it proudly with all the other ‘chips’ they collect. They might be the bully or the angry quiet one, who just are lost as how to handle the situation.  Some, on the other hand, will quietly, with  grain of salt, and with few comments, take their place among the players and live in dread of their inability to be or help the team surge to victory. 

It is those sweet people I think of…..It is an overlooked and underestimated value ………it is ‘THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON’. Oh, we all have it from time to time, but when abuse is pounding on your soul, it is the INNER STRENGTH that helps you to live, even to exist, until you can find your peaceful place.

So look around you……strangers, friends, family, neighbors, kittens, puppies, and your parents.  How do they take always being last…..how do you take always been last.  Pet your kittens and puppies. Smile at your neighbors, your friends, and total strangers, and be aware that we all have ‘boo-boos’. Some heal in a day, some never.   Don’t be the one who cause the pain, be the one who helps heal the pain.  You will rejoice and so will they.

later


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ever been abused?


mmmm….sorry if you have, Abuse comes in all shapes and sizes, and forms. My sister spent years with abuse. She is one of the bravest human beings I have ever known. She is still in a battle today, desperatly getting the divorce finalized so she can be rid of the intolerant and abusive man who hurt is all. More info later on how you can live with it, how you can stop it, how you can keep from dying, and you can live again.


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9-11 beginning or end


I was staying in a small hotel in Texas on 9-11…having never been to NYC size, volume, and address wasn’t something I knew, like I knew Los Angeles, or San Diego, or Indianapolis, or Louisville, etc.  And yet, I knew life was changing, for me and for every living person on this planet.  Happy kisses goodbye and pats on toddler’s heads, usually a ‘sweet’ habit, became a piece of history to relive for comfort. Answering machines and phones, held moments worth more than gold itself. The smell of bedclothes, the special tie, the favorite box of cereal, became monuments.  Family pictures, clothes in the laundry, drawings on the fridge, and the church  meeting notice, became items on the alter of rememberance.

Oh how my heart ached for those living and dying.  Oh how I admired the courage, the calmness, and the action, to continue the belief of dedication to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

And now today, on 9-10 we begin to gather to salute our fallen heros….those who were not in the battle of dying that morning, but who arose to live and love in this country called America.  They live on in my mind as soldiers of freedom, their forfeiture of life, the ultimate gift to each of us. They stood tall, side by side, managers, firefighters, typists, associates, drivers, police, receptionists, tourists,  secretaries, cooks,  and  even the unborn. They lived in died in and for freedom, and it is up to us to carry on in their footsteps.