seriouslyscorpio

thoughts of the moment and of my life

Tag Archives: fairness/equality


by

STEP UP TO THE PLATE…..BE A JUROR


I’ve been on a jury at least 4 times in my life….starting in Indianapolis, Ind when I was in my mid twenties….I’ll never forget what it was like and how I felt. A guy was on trial for burglary and attempted murder of a store owner. The owner had survived and was healing in the local hospital. The defendant had a long list of people who came forth to say he was nowhere near the scene….they included friends and family and former girlfriends and current girlfriends, etc.  All of these people made statements under oath that were full of holes and none could keep their stories straight to even coincide with others.  Still they needed to be heard.  The defendant was found upstairs hiding in a closet, above the store, with the gun.  The injured storekeeper was to testify, but suddenly the case finished and he was not there.  A jury only can use the information it is given…..and so the judgement was guilty considering all the other information provided sans the poor man who was shot.  (later, after we were excused, we found that the storekeeper had taken a turn for the worse, and was not allowed to come to court)….However, we did our job, and based upon what we heard and discussed he was found guilty.  He did yell and scream and threaten us, but he was hauled off to prison anyhow.

I tell you this story, not because it was totally exciting or because everyone got a star, but because we were asked to be part of a jury in a democratic society that says you are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. We all know that it doesn’t work perfectly….but being a juror does make it work compared to courts in other countries.   Think of the girl who disappeared in the islands….think of the two going to court for murder in Italy…. then think of our jury system.  Yes, it is tedious. Yes it takes away a few days from our wonderful jobs.  Yes, we’d sometimes rather be doing something else, BUT THAT IS ALL BESIDE THE POINT!!

A juror is part of freedom…..a juror is an honorable way of being free. A juror is part of a fair and unbiased search for the right for people who have been wronged….on either side of the table in front of the judge.  I am appalled at the excuses and statements I hear from those who receive the call for jury duty. (We’ll talk excuses later) Why do people creep away and hide with all kinds of excuses, when they look in the mirror every day and acclaim what fine upstanding citizens they are.  They are the first to discuss right and wrong, politically miss-managed funds and departments, the lack of morals or being honorable in daily business people they deal with, and the way the ‘world is going’ because of unscrupulous people. BUT….when the call comes……they almost become the people they are asked to be a jury for.  They are too old, they can’t get the bus, they work nights, they have a cold, they dislike anyone of color, they have a family member who influences them, and on and on.  What a pity…….

And the courts have to listen to this every day….the courts, the servants whose job it is to give anyone a fair trial….continually have to endure these types every day.  When did ‘responsible’ become such a dirty word? When did ‘slinking’ out the door after lying to the judge become such an honorable thing to do?  I am appalled and amazed at the statements I have heard when some says they received a call for jury.

The courts have always treated us graciously….In California it is one day or one trial.  You don’t even have to go to the court house unless your group number is called, and you can stay at home and check, every morning and evening.    There are nice rooms to wait in, there are TVs and books and games, and food. You are given at least an hour and maybe two for lunch and have breaks. One is treated with great respect as a possible juror, not to mention in the court room.  The judge is gracious, he/she explains fully the trial time and dates and length.  Valid excuses are readily accepted and there is always a ‘thank you’.

When in court, you are the ‘chosen’…you are there to listen, to reason, to understand, to take notes, to ask questions of the judge, and to deliberate as a unit of fairness. There is no one more ‘looked up to’  than you, the jury.And still prospective jurors scoff .

Now we’ll discuss excuses……real ones……and some we have no control over….1.  My job gives me a rough time…..what a shame, but true. Employers need to be fined for messing with their employees when it comes to jury duty.  Pay is full, for as long as it takes, period.

2.   The state doesn’t pay enough for me to leave work…..true…and that needs to be addressed….maybe by combining work and state payments.

3. No one else can do the job but me……I wish, but it ain’t true.  I once sat by a fellow juror who mathematically helped plans fly full of baggage, people, and fuel, each and every flight.   Someone did his job, when he was gone…(and I thought that was dang important)

4. I have a problem with people of color……GET OVER IT! and learn that right is right and wrong is wrong regardless of color. You might learn a lot from our fellow jurors on that!

Now school finals, and working each and every night can be valid, but don’t plan your vacation during your jury duty…..just to get out of it.  AND, if you do have valid reasons, they court will be more than happy to give you another date that works for you!

So, in closing this soapbox one-sided discussion, I repeat, with all honesty. I have never felt more proud than to serve as a juror….to give the guy who is in the right, a reward for being right, and to serve a dose of  “guilty’ to the person who wronged him.  Maybe it doesn’t make everything perfect again, but it is the way Americans try to do what is right, each and every day, in court rooms all over this land.


by

TIME TO BE LESS OF A JERK!!!


My lovely sister and her adult daughter have been badly mis-treated by their former husband/father.  Their lives have been tortured and torn, but they are making their way back to healthy living.  Daughter now has a wonderful job and lives at home with mom, now that she has a serious romance in Canada. Together they work long hours but together they keep the house lovely, and the horses and pets happy.  The divorce was over last April..signed off by the judge, who leaves a lot to be desired as judges go, however that’s another story.

The ex’s attorney sees to it that she continues to make $300 an hour from him and forces my sis’s attorney to spend $300 an hour because of her. If you are not sure about this….it goes this way.  Ex’s attorney writes letters asking for meaningless numbers which forces sis’s attorney to respond, stating it is meaningless.  See how the dollars work…..

There is nothing left to do but to sell one or both of the two corrals and split the profit.  Ex husband has things to pick up that are his, but he doesn’t, even tho the judge ordered him to, and that causes one corral to look kind of bad.  To try to force him to pick stuff up will only cost more $300 an hour letters, so it is well left alone.  Sister has the horses which she has had and cared for herself for more than 20 years.  Remember I say ‘herself’….she would like one of the corrals to continue keeping her horses in, as they are in their late 2o’s and she had them all these years. 

The corral problem continues to drag on because ex refuses to talk to her or to take either one of the corrals and be done with it.  As you can see the $300 an hour can go on forever at this speed.  His only desire is to make her life miserable, in absentia.  And so it continues. 

Also, if there is an offer on one or both of the corrals, he has to accept it….or no deal.   More $300 an hour letters.  She has offered him choice property and wants to be done with it…….the jerk continues to be a jerk. I keep thinking he couldn’t be more of a jerk, but he can.

Divorce is hard enough without a jerk being a real jerk.  It’s time for ex Mr. Harward to be less of a jerk, call it a day, take his half and quit spending $300 an hour.   (I think  1 1/2 years is enough for any jerk to be a jerk to his family)   Let him be a jerk to someone else…..oh right, there no one else in his life to be a jerk to!


by

jury duty


be there or be an embarrassment….a juror keeps your freedom alive and well. Will you wish for a juror like yourself, when it is your turn to be treated fairly according to the law? (or will it be ewwwwww)


by

VALUES…..(WE’RE NOT TALKING MACYS)


In the paper today, there is a quote from Margaret Thatcher…..”One of the great problems of our age is that we’re governed by people who care more about feelings than they do about thoughts and ideas”…..

I will add that it seems we are also veering from our values due to the sensitivity of our friends, kids, jobs, churches, and our own cravings.  Hey!  There is nothing wrong with saying “no”. There is nothing wrong with saying, “this is not right”. There is nothing wrong with saying  “yes, we can get away with it, but no, it’s not right”. There is nothing wrong with saying “YOU ARE WRONG” when your values, morals, and ethics scream inside your brain.

When did we start going down this path? Did our little kiddies pull the wool over our eyes when we were vulnerable? Shame on us…Did our friends manipulate us into believing they would walk if we didn’t go along with the opinions and even their actions? 

Now go look in the mirror……..Did you fall for it?  If so…..shame on you!

Keep looking in that mirror and make a plan to make a change….starting now,  not after you go to the game and yell obscenities, not after finance committee meeting concerning balancing the budget, not after you snicker at the less fortunate, not after you cheat on your taxes, but NOW!

ATTENTION…….morals, values, and ethics have not been modified to fit our lifestyle….I don’t care what the kids say……

BOTTOM LINE…….make the change…..be at the head of the line…..stand tall…

 

later     


by

FRIENDS


Friends….they come in all sizes, shapes, colors, and years.   I find in my case, most of my friends, didn’t start out day 1 being, what I call, a ‘friend’.  I knew them in grade school. Their desk was beside mine.  It didn’t matter if they were male or female. Either we clicked in second grade, or we didn’t.  Maybe we shared recess and that was all…..never knowing anything else about each other.  It wasn’t really important, was it?  Maybe we played musical instruments together in the band….remember those ‘flute’ things we all started on…..before choosing the ‘instrument of choice’.  Maybe we walked to school together and then went our separate ways to different classes. I remember how we would meet “at the corner’ and share our lives, as we knew them, til we got to school.  Yes, we did walk to school, a mile one way, and we came home for lunch too.  How wonderful it was, and still is, to grow up in a small town.

My grade school friends have become my life long friends……there were birthday parties, slumber parties, and chili suppers, and basketball games. We  marched together  in the band on the coldest of football Fridays, and sweat up a storm in the July 4th Parade.

In our neighborhood we had all ages of friends….some were 5 years younger and some were 5 years older.  We all had come to the neighborhood at the same time when the little National Homes were being built in the early 50’s. Everyone had younger brothers and sisters, who were definitely in the way, so we  girls had our private times sitting on the curb under the street light, taking walks around the block, sitting under the maple trees catching lightning bugs, and laying on a blanket underneath the stars before the dew fell.

From late spring til late fall we played ‘kick the can’ until our parents called us in…..or in my case, rang the bell.  My mother had a school bell and we all knew that when the bell rang, that ment ‘come home and come home now!’  I think if someone would ring a school bell now, at age 68, I would suddenly become 12 again.

 Later on the friendships seemed to solidify, and we all felt comfortable venturing outside our town to Girl Scout Camp for 2 weeks and then to church camp for a week where we met ‘boys’. I don’t know who was the most scared.  Oh, thank goodness for friends.

As I continued on this journey, thru school, and jobs, and marriage, and kids, and divorce, etc, etc…..there are many acquaintances who have come and gone.  The neighborhood I grew up in, transformed to the first apartment, and then house I shared with 4 other girls.  My marriage brought me to a new town with our first  home, and, as if in some  large orderly plan,  a friendly street, where my children would come to repeat the process.  And so it goes.

My Christmas card list is full of friends. Even today there are those I meet who may become part of this precious list.  As I address each card,  thoughts of how we came to share our lives, some by mere coincidence,  come to mind. Our babies are long gone, our work in the Jaycees,  long forgotten, our church suppers and Sunday school teaching, turned over to the young adults, but our friendship, our memories, our defeats, and our successes, remain as bright and clear as if it were yesterday.

 Friends…….I am so blessed they came to enrich my life….


by

ABUSE =


So how’s it work’in for ya…..the abuse thing.   It doesn’t matter you aren’t legally married anymore, does it Tom….you can’t stand the idea of losing……not losing Marty, just losing…..You zero

You hit her, you yelled at her, you scared her, you lied to her, you took her share of the life savings and squandered it. You zero.

You threw her and your daughter out into the night, almost weekly, with no place to go, just because you were mad.  Thank goodness Boulder City is near Las Vegas and Henderson cause there are hotels where mother and grown daughter could  find a safe place to stay.You zero.

When Marty went to be with her dying mother, you would call her cell every  night to say you were going to kill yourself, in the desert, if she didn’t  fly back .  How do I know, I listened to your raving on the phone.  You zero.

She finally called the police, because of the abuse. The authorities were going to put you  under surveillance, while Marty could file a report….She declined because she didn’t want you to lose your job making $250,000 annually, and therefore, possibly losing what livelihood there was left.  You zero

Marty finally went to Family Court and a Restraining Order was issued…..( the judge had no problem making the decision after reading  the info she provided.) And then suddenly it was, ‘poor Tom’  the pitiful misunderstood husband.  Marty continued to think that the separation could be done amicably, by keeping him from being embarrassed in the Boulder City neighborhood they lived in.The order was done quietly and no one knew.  You left  and went to suck off the friendship of  local people, who had no idea you was abusing your family and not even working. 

You moved to Reno and rented a high-end apartment. You said you were going to be near your daughter who lived in Carson City. (She was only there for a few months)  You even told the prospective landlord you were renting the apartment for you and Marty, and it was going to be a surprise for her, when she came north!  Isn’t that special!y You didn’t have a job and had just finished blowing hundreds of thousands of dollars of their retirement nest egg. Who was to know….except maybe now.  Come to think of it, you did exactly the same thing to your current landlord in Las Vegas….You used recent  income tax records to show your income, however, you weren’t working and were separated.  ( I know that Nevada law states each spouse is entitled to half of the pie) My point is you weren’t working,  it was never mentioned, and it was presented as though there was good income to pay for the apartment.  You zero!  

 In the past you had been the one to boast about having one million dollars….you lived higher than necessary, just to show off, and when the family objected to the excessive spending, you made fun of them, remarking that they didn’t know how to enjoy money. You zero.

Judge Sullivan first heard the case…..and he was good…he was also interested in listening and not being biased.  What a shame when Judge Sullivan was sent to a Juvenile Courtroom and  Judge Elliot was drawn.  That  was when the bias began….One can look at the court records, and see how the judge has ruled in events concerning this divorce.      The examination of these lengthy and bias proceedings show that Judge Elliot serves with  an incomplete understanding of what abuse is and how it works.  I am sorry for anyone who has her for any kind of family court . 

Your attorney presented you as the one who was abused…..explaining that you were the loving husband who had held the family together, while Marty was the one with mental ailments.  Your attorney stated you urged her to seek help and was continuing to keep the home together when she filed the restraining order.    Judge  Elliot went right along with the idea, never checking  your past abusive ways concerning your wife, daughter, family, and friends.   Twenty plus people had signed on to come to court on behalf of  Marty, to share with the judge, exactly what kind of beast you actually are.  Oh, not necessary, it was decided, no police report, so no abuse. 

What will become of it all  Tom…..you continue to harass, to needle, to ‘not follow thru’ concerning the judge’s orders.  What you fail to understand is that we are free of you….our family is free. Marty and Andrea are free. 

You think you can continue to cause her pain…you are a hangnail, not a wound. You have no core family.  You have no contact with your family,and now they will know, they were right in staying away.

It’s over Tom…..give it up.  You lose……You zero


by

NEWS FLASH..THE BROUHAHA OF BIALEK


I’m old….wait a minute, I’m older  I’ve been around the block, (so they say), but not around ALL the blocks!  I admit that gives me a limited amount of knowledge concerning some topics, so I’ll muddle thru this one.

I became aware of presidents about the time of Eisenhower.  I was old enough to know about elections and remember being awakened by my parents saying he had won. At that time, if it was okay with them, it was okay with me.

Down the road, however, I’ve become more aware of those who choose to politic….They are not better than I am, their skin is just thicker. They may or may not be purer than I am, but I do believe  I am a lot smarter about realizing the outcome of that answer, in certain fields of endeavor.   I speak to this because it seems  sexual error is the only area most people are interested in……Foreign policy, nah, taxing the hell out of everyone, nah, following laws that are already on the books, nah,  firing inept people within the ZIPs in Washington, nah, checking on whether the troops have enough to keep them safe, nah.   Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

It’s the sex…..the who did what to whom, and when and where they did it! Tonight, when you put on your jams, think back over the list of politicians, from mayors to Presidents, who have realized after the fact, that men cannot make good decisions with their pants down…..even someone elses…..

Now I’m not saying that taking advantage of a person is acceptable. Selected abuse is abundant and should not be tolerated, period…regardless of age or sex.  But this game of politics is rife with checking out those who seem to fall from the grace of another,( who has been, or is doing much of the same thing.) 

So here is my plea……if we are going to acknowledge what Ms. Bialek said, let us  I not stop with Herman Cain…….I’m sure there are many men who have made sexual advances to her in her lifetime……So lets, for the sake of  the list, start in the 1990’s somewhere.  If it is good to remind us of Herman, please remind us of others who have done you wrong, or attempted to.  I feel it’s the only fair way to handle this……Otherwise, it would suggest that you are selecting Herman, and I don’t like that.  I don’t like that at all.

Incidentally, that goes for all the OTHER girls and boys who want to play the game of politics…..name one,  name them all.)


by

morals and ethics….turned on or off in your life


I sell stuff…….I sell my stuff and other people’s stuff. I’ve been doing it for over 25 years, more some years than others.  I’m hardly selling stuff now cause I’m having a hard time finding new stuff to sell.  Following me so far…..

In the business of buying and selling (I sell new stuff and antique stuff) morals and ethics are always at the forefront.  Why?  Because most of the time it is just YOU  making the moral and ethical decision.

I’ll just stick to one corner of buying and selling stuff and that is the area of buying today……I am ask how much things are worth all the time.  Sometimes it is just for fun, sometimes it is to compare with others they’ve contacted, sometimes it gives the person an idea of what to sell it for, and sometimes it is to see if I am going to cheat them, either now, or later on.

I’ve been with me for many years now, and I’ve come to decisions based this relationship.  I look at me every morning, I live with me 24/7 and I represent me in everything I do, including the good and bad.

So my rules of morals and ethics have become pretty simple.

I try to give the best guess (cause that’s what they all are) as to what an item is worth.  I explain that if you want to wait a year to sell it, you can probably get this amount.  If you want to insure it, you should go for this amount, if you want to sell it in a week or two, this will probably the amount, and if you want to sell it to another who will again sell it, you should be in this ballpark.

I also feel that in the world of buying and selling, one would always want to be honest enough that the person would have enough respect to call again when they want to do business.  Not because I have the most money, not because I am the sweetest you’ve ever met, and not because I can sell pans with no handles at estate sales over and over again. It’s because I am fair, and have morals and ethics I abide by.

Bartering is a part of my life as a buyer and seller. Biggest rule is never to piss off the potential buyer or seller with stupid remarks.(especially when it’s me)….like “It’s not worth that and you know it…I’ll give you this amount”…….or “My wife doesn’t know how to do this bartering stuff so I’ll give you….” or one of my favorites……”all I have is $5.50″ (and you are asking $17.00 )and his/her billfold is open in front of me, bulging with twenties…on and on…..

How do we solve this …..we use our inside voice and our morals and ethics and we say, “what is your best price today?”, ….or……”I’d live to give this a new home and I can offer….”         AND THEN, if you are turned down, smile and move on……(and maybe come back the next day)

The use of improper morals and ethics have made and broken many a person. Once you’ve lost your good reputation, how long do you think it will take to get it back…….And the answer is……for me, in my business of watching over other people’s stuff……NEVER!            later

 


by

ABUSE UPDATE……OCTOBER 27TH


Just spent the last week with my sister…..she and I go on a ‘road trip’ whenever we can both get away.  We had been putting it off because of her divorce trial that never seems to go away, however, because it never seems to go away, we did.

The day before she left, a letter came from her attorney. Keeping in mind the judge signed off on her divorce in April, her ex, Tom and his attorney decided they would keep working and working for more money to be paid instead of having to pay, as the accounts had not been completely separated.  With this particular judge, it seems that the first one to make a stink wins……which, as one learns to understand about the judge, the stink does not have to be truthful.

The letter stated the judge had ordered my sister to pay another $12,000, and also stated that if she (my sister) wanted to, she could appeal.  Now as one knows $350.00 an hour does not go very far.  My sister works 60 hours a week as an ER Nurse and is 63. Her ex is a pharmacist, owned a drug store, made over a million dollars, day-traded it away (their retirement), and when she filed for divorce, gave up his license to be a pharmacist and said he didn’t want to work anymore.  Incidently, pharmacists make on a bad day $250,000 a year.  As you can see, he wanted my sister to pay for every part of the divorce proceedings and decided this was a good way to start.

Now one who knows this story will know I’m jumping around with the facts of the last 25+ years, however, this is just a glimpse of what an abusive man can do to his wife and grown 27 year old daughter.  This is done not because he is in need, but because he has lost control, and his only desire is to continue to cause havoc in 2 women’s lives.

You ask……if he was abusive, why didn’t that count???  I explain…..because he never broke anything….no one ever saw the bruises….no one ever saw the two being thrown out of their home weekly during his fits of rage. No one saw the knife to the throat…….WHY   WHY…..because she is the victim of abuse.

Here is how she thought it out……and it isn’t dumb…..it is doing her very best to solve the abuse problem, keeping her marriage intact, keeping him as a practicing pharmacist, replenishing their monetary losses, and helping him get well.  How do you do that…..very easy…..you don’t call the police and have him arrested or have him made a ‘legal’.  You don’t file a restraining order or let his pharmacy license lapse.  You pray each evening that  you can make it thru to the next day, and that the man you married will finally see the light and become a good husband and father again.  

You wait and you wait and you wait.  Your friends know, your family knows, and you know, but you can’t afford to give up everything for one phone call to the police.  There is  too much on the line ….. income, retirement, home, daughter, bills, 401-k, love, 30 years, reputation, small town, and so much more.

So back to the letter…….a contining account of abuse, still done legally, still no recourse except for maybe working longer than 60 hours a week to pay an   attorney, no peace, no guarantee that it is finally over after 30+ years.

And so for a day or so, our road trip was made up of sad times….of being caught once again in the illegalities of the legal system, of being fined for nothing more than being able-bodied and working 60 hours a week, of having more money that can be legally taken, dollar after dollar, of not having the power of being right on your side. 

We did have a good time, we nurtured one another, loved one another, saw the Grand Canyon, and the beauty of  the aspen in Flagstaff, Az.  She saw Palm Springs for the first time and got her hair frosted on my birthday.

She is home safe now…..with one more day of  vacation.  I’m catching up on emails and laundry…..Many memories, many strengths, but at least we were together……he kept her away from me.. for over 20 years.   More on that later.

So if you are seeing yourself……think it over very carefully….make your plans, and run, don’t walk to the nearest shelter for you and your children.Waiting can be so costly…..even if the reasons behind it are so carefully thought out, and as the vows, so hollow.


by

ABUSED…….HERE AND THERE


Remember we’ve talked about abuse in a few blogs prior to today? Well, we did.

Anyhow, I see that in Kansas they don’t have enough time to take on the physical abuse of women for awhile….seems they just don’t have the money, or whatever.

My sister was physically and mentally abused for 20+ years……I have written about it but never published because they are ending up a nasty divorce and I do not want to provoke anything.  HOwever, in the next few weeks (into November) I will rethink, check on the status of the ‘leftovers’ in the divorce and I will write it for you to read and digest.

Be informed that my sister is no slouch…..she’s is not one of those poor, put down, and mentally impoverished women you think of as being ‘an abused wife’.

I say she ‘IS’ not but she was….and in such a subtle way. To meet her in public, to visit with her during dinner, to see her in action in a busy ER in a large city, saving, saving, saving…..you would never, I say, NEVER know. But when the day ended, and her work complete, she would go home broken, tearful, and terribly afraid of what was ahead for the evening.

There are nights when she and my niece would find themselves out on the street, having to, yet again, find a hotel.  There were nights when, after working 12 hours, she would be up til 4AM being screamed and yelled at…..a tactic often used by abusive men to help ‘their women’ understand that if they would just ‘do this’ or ‘do that’, the men would not lose their tempers.

There were nights when physical threats turned into the real thing….. and my grown niece was there to watch.

So when states seem to have problems covering phone calls from abused women, I take a stand, both in anger, and in the hope they acknowledge their ignorance of the terrors of  life.

As one can see by the terrible crime in Seal Beach, Ca. even a restraining order does nothing to keep a women safe.  Shame on those who seem to overlook lives coming so close to death.  Just one phone call may keep them alive…..or if the abuser knows, can kill them.

WAKE-UP!  There may be only minutes left for woman who desperately needs the siren to come down her street. She is counting on  her one chance….her phone call that may open the door to a more peaceful existance……The 911 call…the call to a friend or neighbor can be occurring at this moment.

PLEASE DON’T FORGET HER…….                                            later, with love